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Will's Wisdom.

“The keys to life are running and reading. When you're running, there's a little person that talks to you and says, "Oh I'm tired. My lung's about to pop. I'm so hurt. There's no way I can possibly continue." You want to quit. If you learn how to defeat that person when you're running. You will how to not quit when things get hard in your life. For reading: there have been gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There's no new problem you could have--with your parents, with school, with a bully. There's no new problem that someone hasn't already had and written about it in a book.” ― Will Smith


I remember watching the Kid's Choice Awards when I was like fourteen and hearing Will Smith say this as he accepted his award. It was something that really spoke to me as at the 
time reading and running were two of my favorite things. 


They are still two things I'm sure I really enjoy, but have almost completely cut out of my life. However, as I look back and try to justify it I find zero logical excuses... too busy? too stressed? How much of my day would I really have to sacrifice? And how much of my day is actually spent doing proactive things? The four hours online doing nothing or daydreaming and staring into space? 


My goal this year: to bring these things back into my life, and truly enjoy them as much as I used to. I used to love running and although I rekindled this passion last year by discovering my love for night running, it's unfortunate that this is now completely out of the question, as Ann Arbz has been added to the list of most deadly places!   


However, it's not like I don't have countless other hours in my day...


As we all know I'm super bad at sticking to these goal things. Especially since as soon as classes start I seem to get sucked into this stressful black hole of time management failure and constant exhaustion. 


It's sounds pretty appealing now, though.


Baby. steps.

HOLIDAY

Things I love about Christmas break :)

 Fireplace reading, long baths, matching pajamas, daily chocolate shakes and lunch with good friends, Waking up to Winst and Josh next to me, Spending time with family, Seeing my neighbor everyday, Sparklers, smoking, and sleeping bags, Emerald and heels (training for NYE), Drinking wine and eating cheese till I'm sick (preparation for January), Movie marathons, Perfect gifts, meaningful goodbyes, getting really fat, Ice skating till I can’t move my legs, six cups of coffee a day, and just being with people I really love/miss.

Things I could seriously live without: 


Going to the mall or shopping at all ever again…and running into people I would really not mind never seeing again.

Infatuation and Nostalgia.

After a quite extensive Skype session with a long lost friend, I've felt the need to express my adoration and appreciation for some of the cherished memories and people that have helped shape who I am today. Although some of us are still pretty close and some of us have gone our separate ways, I still hold a place in my heart for all of you and will never forget the times we shared together and the lessons learned. (Gag from all the warm fuzzy sentiments) but really. My conclusion: God, I miss you all!

 Miss Kayla Cabral. My earliest closest and most enlightening best friend. I remember thinking when you left my life was truly gonna be over. Trigger emo music now. How many ridiculous times we had. I spent my first drunken nights with you as well as my first real conversations and realizations. I'll never forget our ridiculous adventures and discoveries. We were actually so destructive together as we came up with the most terrible ideas.. I remember we decided to jump in my pond in the middle of November just for fun..and then there's the time we painted our bodies with raspberries and were stained for like a week! My earliest memories with you are of laying out on the roof at your house, taking naps in the leafs, repeatedly watching Chicago in your bed, and illegally driving Brad's car! I'll never be able to pinpoint just when our friendship crossed the line from daily friends to inseparable, but I'm so glad it did, because some of my most cherished, at times shameful, memories are with you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I miss our fun-filled days spent together with our deep conversations and your constant boy drama being such the "catch" that you were ;) It sucks that we've went our separate ways and are not as ridiculously close as we once were, but know that you hold a special place in my heart, and I'll always idolize your obviously beautiful, as well as spontaneous, daring, and care-free self. I miss you insanely and love to hear about your life now and all that you've become. Please do my hair, so we can catch up and laugh at our comical pasts! 

My Candi-Luv! I've dedicated an extra big section to you, as you were my number moja through all of junior/senior year! Reflecting back on our red carpet worthy lives and our endless adventures and crazy life plans that seemed to change daily, I feel like I've learned the most from you. You were a window into seeing who I really was, and even though we were immensely different, we were also, how do I say this... exactly the same. So many crazy times. I seriously miss spending time with you so much! I lived for those endless nights of just lying in your bed talking, drinking, and watching Grease and One Tree Hill . You also helped birth my love for clubbing and partying.. and we seriously need to rekindle this relationship and drink/dance the night away super soon!I've told you this many times before, and I can never say it enough, you are the strongest, most hard-working, dedicated person I know, and even though people don't always see you for all that you are, know that I do and I will always admire your beauty both inside and out and strive to be as daring, dedicated, and loving as you! From Jan to Frenchie, Peyton to Brooke, Nerdalie to Candilicious- I love youuuu so muchhhh! 

and Jackie successfully having almost every class together for four years is quite an accomplishment in itself..some may say it's a miracle, but I just call it fate :)  You not only made school life more than enjoyable, but nights out with both of you were never short of adventure! Things I miss extensively: spending every waking hour of my  day with you while laughing and "learning",  spirit days (my favorite holiday!) , NOT participating in gym class, and of courses living our lives vicariously through One Tree Hill, something that of course we still do, just not in such close quarters. Even though you're now my beautiful, Sparty rival, I still love you and miss you immensely! 

 

Kelssss! I'm super glad we started talking again, as we truly had so many good times! Thanks so much for reminding me of all our crazy adventures... We had so many heart felt times, climbing through my window and diving off my four-wheeler to avoid death by tree haha... and that was only at my house. I have such good memories of making ridiculous videos, going on crazy excursions, and of course parties and Cedar Point :) I'm super excited to hang out this week and recreate our hysterical history!

Andrea! I don't even know where to begin. You were always such a mirror for me, and I honestly learned so much from our late night conversations. I lived for just driving around with you singing with the windows down and our spontaneous trips to the boardwalk dipping our french fries in our vanilla cones of perfection. Distance sucks, and it's a bummer we never see each other anymore, but I love getting updates from your mom, and I'm sure that you're having the time of your life, living life to the fullest as always! I miss you, love you, and hope to reunite SOON. I'll will always look up to you and still silently seek your guidance in my many major (realistically minor) catastrophes! You always knew just what to say, and of course never failed at making me smile..okay who am I kidding choke from laughing. Just please come home and have a bonfire soon, so I can vent to you and let you fix my broken life ;)

 Lynsomniac! hahaha (insert your amazing laugh here) Goshhh I love you so much and seriously miss your uplifting, inspiringly cherry self in my everyday life. You're seriously the greatest, which of course I'm sure you already know this. We've seriously had so many good times, and I love the fact that like me you're still stuck in this childhood state, and love to be ridiculously crazy and not care what other people think. Me, you, and Abbz are honestly the most atypical friend trio imaginable, yet at the same time we truly accentuate each other, and I'm sure bring some good with the ridiculous ruckus we also tend to ignite whenever in public together. Can't wait to catch up at Olive Garden with you guys, and choke on my ice cubes from laughing so hard (which of course is not a possibility for you... "water, no ice pleez")

I still can't get over the fact that we may be going to Thailand this summer, and the thought of seeing you in your prime... so up close and personal with your spirit animal: Ellies... already makes me smile! It's gonna be the time of our livezzz and I hope this group is prepared for the pandemonium kindled when we are together!

Ohh and I'm still super serious about bottling up your laugh and marketing it to the world-- honestly I think it would sell better than Prozac! It's really that powerful. The least you can do is record it for me so I can listen to it in times of dire need :)

ABBZ.  I'm so sad at the thought of you laying in bed right now sick recovering from surgery. I hope you're prepared, as I'm coming to play doctor tomorrow and my medicine will consist of the following: Scrapbooks, Survivor marathon, and wine?... I guess I can bring soup instead but really what's that gonna do for you? Just call this my Euro-therapy..although I'm sure you'll be getting enough of that, as well as many other things very soon ;)

But anyway, of all my friends I must confess that you're the one that shares my undying love for travel and music. I will never forget our inseparable time together senior year.. shout out to Global Awareness 2 Independent Study aka- music history bonding hour with none other than J-hun! And then of course it only gets better with our FREE trip to Europe, an experience that I'll never truly be able to put into words, but I can definitely say that it was with a rather unexpected group of people that somehow become family in such a short amount of time, and I would not trade anything for the extraordinary experiences we shared. I'll never forget our hours spent on tour bus jamming to Girl Talk and our many trips into the vast oblivion..how were we so good at getting lost?! And of course I can't forget our many Europe reunions after the fact, complete with amazing food, drag racing, and of course Wizard!  So many endless laughs.. I would really give anything to go back to that time in our lives, a time when are worries were few and possibilities seemed endless. That truly was a summer of paradisal proportions, a time in which we had so much to look back on and smile, but also so much to look forward to! I seriously love you so much, and I'm so happy for you and so excited to see the person your becoming. The endless concerts, trips to Olive Garden, and "tutoring" sessions will never fail to make me smile..especially because I know there is still many more to come! See you very soon love.. and you better be smiling hard right now, I am :)

                    

IN SUMMARY: ALL OF YOU HAVE PLAYED A MAJOR ROLE IN FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS AND HELPING ME GROW INTO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. YOU ARE ALL SUCH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY<3

Highschool Throwbackz.

So I'm currently consumed by this crazy high school flashback playlist. Ohh Thrice, The Starting Line, Spill Canvas... you owned my life. Like really. It's just weird how hearing certain songs can you bring you back, ridiculous emotions and all. #ohhsweetnostalgia

That is all :)

PLUR.

It's been way too long, and I feel ya'll are way behind on the crazy happenings of the 832 household.


How far back shall I go...


Gettin' D with Disney Halloween party=SUCCESS


ABC Party not Party- I guess one could say success minus the breakality of the night, broken straighteners, broken shot glasses, the defacing of a stuffed magnet bear...ohh and a broken arm, too. NBD. But a total success, as the countless hours spent at da hosp were spent in full hil-nat-sick style, complete with drunk singing, the stealing of water bottles, and self-pics in the hospital bed.


Moving on from there we pass some peachy Saturday pre-games, A Sunday spent casually black out after a spontaneous trip to see twilight and an excursion to the retrieve Sm-ice and 100 proof hot chocolate that resulted in non-stop dancing, a broken side door, and of course biting. We can also see the leisurely Tuesday night pre-thanksgiving spent enjoying wine, cheese, cookie dough, and magzz.

              

             

So one could say life's been good.

But of course it gets better..


As this past weekend included the following.
   
 -Final Football game versus none other than Ohio State, resulting in a long overdue victory!

            

   - A post celebration with Lorin or BASSNECTAR. A rager featuring: appropriate apparel- a light up tutu and furry legz, a last minute sprint to the liquor store, Party bus, BASS, plummeting over barricades, dancing, dancing, dancing, BASS, seeing friendly faces, dancing, BASS. and then a happy ending of Taxis and Taco Bell. Cause we say fuck to walking in the rainnn.

Yet it's only reality that with all of these amazing instances, loss must come too. Whether it's one's camera or virginity (not disclosing any names). These things happen. But I'd like to think its fair tradez. Life can't hand out all this rage without at least taking something...


And besides..


It's just a camera.


It's just a game.


It's just sex.


It's just life.


A fun life at that...so nothing else matters!


P.S. Right now we're studying, (okay Hil's studying) in a vacantly closed down East Hall thanks to our Asian friend with the keys! Laptops open, music up! Ohh lifeeeeee!

What it takes..

We're currently discussing the topic of colonization in my African Studies class, an evidently unavoidable topic when it comes to duhh continent l'Afrique.

Today we had a debate in regard's to Dubois's essay on the necessity of violence in decolonization. Seeing the obvious reality to his argument, I found it rather hard to accept violence as the only way.

It is clear that a country that was taken by force, must be taken back in the same way, as everything can't involve the exchanging of corn cobs and handshakes and end in a delightfully enchanting meal, such as that which took place with our notably benevolent founder at Plymouth Rock. But it's also true that at some point that violence has to end, and some kind of mutual agreement has to be reached..or maybe I'm wrong...  of course you could just kill everyone off and continue dealing with everyone who disagrees with you in such efficient fashion.

I just see more to decolonization than just one big act of brutality, as some sort of civilization must be established after.. or what happens to the now "colonized"? Legal systems, education? Is it just bang bang your dead, we win, the end. I just feel Dubois is missing the idea of "process" in his so vividly laid out solution.

DISREGARDING ANY OF THAT, I now realize that what I'm actually trying to say is that maybe I need to be in some sense... decolonized. That is taken by force and forced to see the truth, as we all do sometimes.

Maybe I just need someone to rip me out of my bed, force me to stop feeling sorry for myself.. or even better blatantly slap me in the face..

Just give me ten minutes and I'll probably disclaim the above statement and ask you to sympathize with me and to accept the woes and agony that is my life.

PUHLEEZ. GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY. YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW NOTHING!

Find a happy place.

Why is it sometimes so hard to suppress emotions?!


P.S. P.S. P.S.


Can we please stop talking about it!?


Sometimes I really regret my decision to concentrate my studies on Developmental Psychology.


Gahhhh. Why can't I avoid uncomfortable situations forever and live in my warm, cozy, sock-monkey onesie like comfort zone!?


ASKLSFDJLKDSAFLJKADFSKLJDSAFKLJDSFAKJLDSAFKLJASFLSKDJFLDDFSLJK


 Swings. Winstons. Hammocks. Mittens. Snuggling.


My life consists of all things pleasant.

Shape? Circle.

At around this time last year I was going through my interview process for my Alternative Spring Break trip having no idea what to expect.

Not getting my first choice of youth and education, I ended up volunteering in the poverty sector.. rural poverty to be exact.

 I thought this would be nothing new as both my parents grew up in the realities of poverty in very rural  areas of West Virginia. I grew up hearing their stories of scrounging for food "up the holler" and wearing hand me downs previously worn by their 8 or so older siblings. Of course these ideas were foreign to me, as I could never imagine not having any sense of individuality when it came to choosing your clothes or not refusing to eat something because you didn't like it. We were constantly reminded just how fortunate we are to have all that we do, but of course as any spoiled child, my parent's words went in one ear and out the other, and although I heard what they were trying to say, I didn't actually listen... as it was a reality I didn't want to know. I still continued writing my extensively long Christmas list and dividing my toys amongst my brother: yours, mine, and the unfortunate ours.

You would think that having moved less than a year before to this family with nothing more than a trash bag of my belongings, I would not be the materialistic, toy-obsessed child that my parents accused me of. Yet, there was an obvious reality to their words.

Volunteering at my service-learning site in Kentucky, right on the border of Virginia, I assumed it would be similar to these stories related by my parents or at least to the images engraved in my mind from summer vacations of my childhood.


And it definitely was in some ways... but at the same time there was something entirely different about this trip. My eyes were opened to the world of poverty in an entirely different way, as it was tragically personal. Stepping into those families lives and seeing the ways that money was handicapping them changed my views entirely. After that trip I realized that my passion was not solely working with kids, but something more.


Then of course time played it course. Days passed, Weeks passed, and that happy hero feeling dispersed and disappeared.


Temporary.


Short-lived.


Evanescent.


This same thing always happens. Summers in Africa: the happiness and faith that the kids bring, Skydiving: that feeling that you can do anything. Why must the best emotions be so fleeting?


I'm not sure what I'm trying to say...as I have know idea where I was going with this and my emotions are all over the place these days..


 As of now: I just want those feelings back.

CHRISTMAS!

The holiday season is finally here, and I couldn't be more excited!!

Things that I absolutely can't wait for:

-Movies such as To Grandmothers House We Go, ELF, and Eloise at Christmastime!

-Reading my kids "Why Christmas Trees aren't perfect" and "The Night Before Christmas"

-Winter festivities such as Sledding, Baking, Decorating, Christmas shopping, Christmas crafting, PARTYING, and eating!

Other holiday favorites include but are not limited to: Fireplaces, mint hot chocolate, Onesies, Electric blankets, Christmas lights, Holiday pie from McD, Family time, 25 days of Christmas, Ugly Sweaters, spiked egg nog,  and happy people!!

AND OF COURSE A MULTITUDE OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

Bring these things to me pleeaseeee!

DREAM JOB.

After a rough, long morning, nothing can make my day better than a smile and a suffocating hug from one of my kids at the center. It's seriously crazy how it can turn my whole day around! I sometimes forget just how much I truly love my job and how fortunate I am to have found it so early on. I could honestly do this forever... pay me next to nothing, take away my benefits (i mean i'd like it even more if you wouldn't) but honestly the reward is so worth it. Because every time I see these kids smile, watch them laugh and dance, and just learn and explore the world around them.. I can't help but smile too and be so grateful that I get to share such beautiful experiences with them.

 So, I'll take the messes, the inconsolable crying, the fighting, the screaming, the diapers, drool, and throw up, the constant EXHAUSTION... even the fact that I watched on of my co-workers get showered with pee today. I'll take it all. It's so worth it.

Kids are seriously the greatest. I want to work with them forever.