Will's Wisdom.

“The keys to life are running and reading. When you're running, there's a little person that talks to you and says, "Oh I'm tired. My lung's about to pop. I'm so hurt. There's no way I can possibly continue." You want to quit. If you learn how to defeat that person when you're running. You will how to not quit when things get hard in your life. For reading: there have been gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There's no new problem you could have--with your parents, with school, with a bully. There's no new problem that someone hasn't already had and written about it in a book.” ― Will Smith


I remember watching the Kid's Choice Awards when I was like fourteen and hearing Will Smith say this as he accepted his award. It was something that really spoke to me as at the 
time reading and running were two of my favorite things. 


They are still two things I'm sure I really enjoy, but have almost completely cut out of my life. However, as I look back and try to justify it I find zero logical excuses... too busy? too stressed? How much of my day would I really have to sacrifice? And how much of my day is actually spent doing proactive things? The four hours online doing nothing or daydreaming and staring into space? 


My goal this year: to bring these things back into my life, and truly enjoy them as much as I used to. I used to love running and although I rekindled this passion last year by discovering my love for night running, it's unfortunate that this is now completely out of the question, as Ann Arbz has been added to the list of most deadly places!   


However, it's not like I don't have countless other hours in my day...


As we all know I'm super bad at sticking to these goal things. Especially since as soon as classes start I seem to get sucked into this stressful black hole of time management failure and constant exhaustion. 


It's sounds pretty appealing now, though.


Baby. steps.

HOLIDAY

Things I love about Christmas break :)

 Fireplace reading, long baths, matching pajamas, daily chocolate shakes and lunch with good friends, Waking up to Winst and Josh next to me, Spending time with family, Seeing my neighbor everyday, Sparklers, smoking, and sleeping bags, Emerald and heels (training for NYE), Drinking wine and eating cheese till I'm sick (preparation for January), Movie marathons, Perfect gifts, meaningful goodbyes, getting really fat, Ice skating till I can’t move my legs, six cups of coffee a day, and just being with people I really love/miss.

Things I could seriously live without: 


Going to the mall or shopping at all ever again…and running into people I would really not mind never seeing again.

Infatuation and Nostalgia.

After a quite extensive Skype session with a long lost friend, I've felt the need to express my adoration and appreciation for some of the cherished memories and people that have helped shape who I am today. Although some of us are still pretty close and some of us have gone our separate ways, I still hold a place in my heart for all of you and will never forget the times we shared together and the lessons learned. (Gag from all the warm fuzzy sentiments) but really. My conclusion: God, I miss you all!

 Miss Kayla Cabral. My earliest closest and most enlightening best friend. I remember thinking when you left my life was truly gonna be over. Trigger emo music now. How many ridiculous times we had. I spent my first drunken nights with you as well as my first real conversations and realizations. I'll never forget our ridiculous adventures and discoveries. We were actually so destructive together as we came up with the most terrible ideas.. I remember we decided to jump in my pond in the middle of November just for fun..and then there's the time we painted our bodies with raspberries and were stained for like a week! My earliest memories with you are of laying out on the roof at your house, taking naps in the leafs, repeatedly watching Chicago in your bed, and illegally driving Brad's car! I'll never be able to pinpoint just when our friendship crossed the line from daily friends to inseparable, but I'm so glad it did, because some of my most cherished, at times shameful, memories are with you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I miss our fun-filled days spent together with our deep conversations and your constant boy drama being such the "catch" that you were ;) It sucks that we've went our separate ways and are not as ridiculously close as we once were, but know that you hold a special place in my heart, and I'll always idolize your obviously beautiful, as well as spontaneous, daring, and care-free self. I miss you insanely and love to hear about your life now and all that you've become. Please do my hair, so we can catch up and laugh at our comical pasts! 

My Candi-Luv! I've dedicated an extra big section to you, as you were my number moja through all of junior/senior year! Reflecting back on our red carpet worthy lives and our endless adventures and crazy life plans that seemed to change daily, I feel like I've learned the most from you. You were a window into seeing who I really was, and even though we were immensely different, we were also, how do I say this... exactly the same. So many crazy times. I seriously miss spending time with you so much! I lived for those endless nights of just lying in your bed talking, drinking, and watching Grease and One Tree Hill . You also helped birth my love for clubbing and partying.. and we seriously need to rekindle this relationship and drink/dance the night away super soon!I've told you this many times before, and I can never say it enough, you are the strongest, most hard-working, dedicated person I know, and even though people don't always see you for all that you are, know that I do and I will always admire your beauty both inside and out and strive to be as daring, dedicated, and loving as you! From Jan to Frenchie, Peyton to Brooke, Nerdalie to Candilicious- I love youuuu so muchhhh! 

and Jackie successfully having almost every class together for four years is quite an accomplishment in itself..some may say it's a miracle, but I just call it fate :)  You not only made school life more than enjoyable, but nights out with both of you were never short of adventure! Things I miss extensively: spending every waking hour of my  day with you while laughing and "learning",  spirit days (my favorite holiday!) , NOT participating in gym class, and of courses living our lives vicariously through One Tree Hill, something that of course we still do, just not in such close quarters. Even though you're now my beautiful, Sparty rival, I still love you and miss you immensely! 

 

Kelssss! I'm super glad we started talking again, as we truly had so many good times! Thanks so much for reminding me of all our crazy adventures... We had so many heart felt times, climbing through my window and diving off my four-wheeler to avoid death by tree haha... and that was only at my house. I have such good memories of making ridiculous videos, going on crazy excursions, and of course parties and Cedar Point :) I'm super excited to hang out this week and recreate our hysterical history!

Andrea! I don't even know where to begin. You were always such a mirror for me, and I honestly learned so much from our late night conversations. I lived for just driving around with you singing with the windows down and our spontaneous trips to the boardwalk dipping our french fries in our vanilla cones of perfection. Distance sucks, and it's a bummer we never see each other anymore, but I love getting updates from your mom, and I'm sure that you're having the time of your life, living life to the fullest as always! I miss you, love you, and hope to reunite SOON. I'll will always look up to you and still silently seek your guidance in my many major (realistically minor) catastrophes! You always knew just what to say, and of course never failed at making me smile..okay who am I kidding choke from laughing. Just please come home and have a bonfire soon, so I can vent to you and let you fix my broken life ;)

 Lynsomniac! hahaha (insert your amazing laugh here) Goshhh I love you so much and seriously miss your uplifting, inspiringly cherry self in my everyday life. You're seriously the greatest, which of course I'm sure you already know this. We've seriously had so many good times, and I love the fact that like me you're still stuck in this childhood state, and love to be ridiculously crazy and not care what other people think. Me, you, and Abbz are honestly the most atypical friend trio imaginable, yet at the same time we truly accentuate each other, and I'm sure bring some good with the ridiculous ruckus we also tend to ignite whenever in public together. Can't wait to catch up at Olive Garden with you guys, and choke on my ice cubes from laughing so hard (which of course is not a possibility for you... "water, no ice pleez")

I still can't get over the fact that we may be going to Thailand this summer, and the thought of seeing you in your prime... so up close and personal with your spirit animal: Ellies... already makes me smile! It's gonna be the time of our livezzz and I hope this group is prepared for the pandemonium kindled when we are together!

Ohh and I'm still super serious about bottling up your laugh and marketing it to the world-- honestly I think it would sell better than Prozac! It's really that powerful. The least you can do is record it for me so I can listen to it in times of dire need :)

ABBZ.  I'm so sad at the thought of you laying in bed right now sick recovering from surgery. I hope you're prepared, as I'm coming to play doctor tomorrow and my medicine will consist of the following: Scrapbooks, Survivor marathon, and wine?... I guess I can bring soup instead but really what's that gonna do for you? Just call this my Euro-therapy..although I'm sure you'll be getting enough of that, as well as many other things very soon ;)

But anyway, of all my friends I must confess that you're the one that shares my undying love for travel and music. I will never forget our inseparable time together senior year.. shout out to Global Awareness 2 Independent Study aka- music history bonding hour with none other than J-hun! And then of course it only gets better with our FREE trip to Europe, an experience that I'll never truly be able to put into words, but I can definitely say that it was with a rather unexpected group of people that somehow become family in such a short amount of time, and I would not trade anything for the extraordinary experiences we shared. I'll never forget our hours spent on tour bus jamming to Girl Talk and our many trips into the vast oblivion..how were we so good at getting lost?! And of course I can't forget our many Europe reunions after the fact, complete with amazing food, drag racing, and of course Wizard!  So many endless laughs.. I would really give anything to go back to that time in our lives, a time when are worries were few and possibilities seemed endless. That truly was a summer of paradisal proportions, a time in which we had so much to look back on and smile, but also so much to look forward to! I seriously love you so much, and I'm so happy for you and so excited to see the person your becoming. The endless concerts, trips to Olive Garden, and "tutoring" sessions will never fail to make me smile..especially because I know there is still many more to come! See you very soon love.. and you better be smiling hard right now, I am :)

                    

IN SUMMARY: ALL OF YOU HAVE PLAYED A MAJOR ROLE IN FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS AND HELPING ME GROW INTO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. YOU ARE ALL SUCH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY<3

Highschool Throwbackz.

So I'm currently consumed by this crazy high school flashback playlist. Ohh Thrice, The Starting Line, Spill Canvas... you owned my life. Like really. It's just weird how hearing certain songs can you bring you back, ridiculous emotions and all. #ohhsweetnostalgia

That is all :)

PLUR.

It's been way too long, and I feel ya'll are way behind on the crazy happenings of the 832 household.


How far back shall I go...


Gettin' D with Disney Halloween party=SUCCESS


ABC Party not Party- I guess one could say success minus the breakality of the night, broken straighteners, broken shot glasses, the defacing of a stuffed magnet bear...ohh and a broken arm, too. NBD. But a total success, as the countless hours spent at da hosp were spent in full hil-nat-sick style, complete with drunk singing, the stealing of water bottles, and self-pics in the hospital bed.


Moving on from there we pass some peachy Saturday pre-games, A Sunday spent casually black out after a spontaneous trip to see twilight and an excursion to the retrieve Sm-ice and 100 proof hot chocolate that resulted in non-stop dancing, a broken side door, and of course biting. We can also see the leisurely Tuesday night pre-thanksgiving spent enjoying wine, cheese, cookie dough, and magzz.

              

             

So one could say life's been good.

But of course it gets better..


As this past weekend included the following.
   
 -Final Football game versus none other than Ohio State, resulting in a long overdue victory!

            

   - A post celebration with Lorin or BASSNECTAR. A rager featuring: appropriate apparel- a light up tutu and furry legz, a last minute sprint to the liquor store, Party bus, BASS, plummeting over barricades, dancing, dancing, dancing, BASS, seeing friendly faces, dancing, BASS. and then a happy ending of Taxis and Taco Bell. Cause we say fuck to walking in the rainnn.

Yet it's only reality that with all of these amazing instances, loss must come too. Whether it's one's camera or virginity (not disclosing any names). These things happen. But I'd like to think its fair tradez. Life can't hand out all this rage without at least taking something...


And besides..


It's just a camera.


It's just a game.


It's just sex.


It's just life.


A fun life at that...so nothing else matters!


P.S. Right now we're studying, (okay Hil's studying) in a vacantly closed down East Hall thanks to our Asian friend with the keys! Laptops open, music up! Ohh lifeeeeee!

What it takes..

We're currently discussing the topic of colonization in my African Studies class, an evidently unavoidable topic when it comes to duhh continent l'Afrique.

Today we had a debate in regard's to Dubois's essay on the necessity of violence in decolonization. Seeing the obvious reality to his argument, I found it rather hard to accept violence as the only way.

It is clear that a country that was taken by force, must be taken back in the same way, as everything can't involve the exchanging of corn cobs and handshakes and end in a delightfully enchanting meal, such as that which took place with our notably benevolent founder at Plymouth Rock. But it's also true that at some point that violence has to end, and some kind of mutual agreement has to be reached..or maybe I'm wrong...  of course you could just kill everyone off and continue dealing with everyone who disagrees with you in such efficient fashion.

I just see more to decolonization than just one big act of brutality, as some sort of civilization must be established after.. or what happens to the now "colonized"? Legal systems, education? Is it just bang bang your dead, we win, the end. I just feel Dubois is missing the idea of "process" in his so vividly laid out solution.

DISREGARDING ANY OF THAT, I now realize that what I'm actually trying to say is that maybe I need to be in some sense... decolonized. That is taken by force and forced to see the truth, as we all do sometimes.

Maybe I just need someone to rip me out of my bed, force me to stop feeling sorry for myself.. or even better blatantly slap me in the face..

Just give me ten minutes and I'll probably disclaim the above statement and ask you to sympathize with me and to accept the woes and agony that is my life.

PUHLEEZ. GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY. YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW NOTHING!

Find a happy place.

Why is it sometimes so hard to suppress emotions?!


P.S. P.S. P.S.


Can we please stop talking about it!?


Sometimes I really regret my decision to concentrate my studies on Developmental Psychology.


Gahhhh. Why can't I avoid uncomfortable situations forever and live in my warm, cozy, sock-monkey onesie like comfort zone!?


ASKLSFDJLKDSAFLJKADFSKLJDSAFKLJDSFAKJLDSAFKLJASFLSKDJFLDDFSLJK


 Swings. Winstons. Hammocks. Mittens. Snuggling.


My life consists of all things pleasant.

Shape? Circle.

At around this time last year I was going through my interview process for my Alternative Spring Break trip having no idea what to expect.

Not getting my first choice of youth and education, I ended up volunteering in the poverty sector.. rural poverty to be exact.

 I thought this would be nothing new as both my parents grew up in the realities of poverty in very rural  areas of West Virginia. I grew up hearing their stories of scrounging for food "up the holler" and wearing hand me downs previously worn by their 8 or so older siblings. Of course these ideas were foreign to me, as I could never imagine not having any sense of individuality when it came to choosing your clothes or not refusing to eat something because you didn't like it. We were constantly reminded just how fortunate we are to have all that we do, but of course as any spoiled child, my parent's words went in one ear and out the other, and although I heard what they were trying to say, I didn't actually listen... as it was a reality I didn't want to know. I still continued writing my extensively long Christmas list and dividing my toys amongst my brother: yours, mine, and the unfortunate ours.

You would think that having moved less than a year before to this family with nothing more than a trash bag of my belongings, I would not be the materialistic, toy-obsessed child that my parents accused me of. Yet, there was an obvious reality to their words.

Volunteering at my service-learning site in Kentucky, right on the border of Virginia, I assumed it would be similar to these stories related by my parents or at least to the images engraved in my mind from summer vacations of my childhood.


And it definitely was in some ways... but at the same time there was something entirely different about this trip. My eyes were opened to the world of poverty in an entirely different way, as it was tragically personal. Stepping into those families lives and seeing the ways that money was handicapping them changed my views entirely. After that trip I realized that my passion was not solely working with kids, but something more.


Then of course time played it course. Days passed, Weeks passed, and that happy hero feeling dispersed and disappeared.


Temporary.


Short-lived.


Evanescent.


This same thing always happens. Summers in Africa: the happiness and faith that the kids bring, Skydiving: that feeling that you can do anything. Why must the best emotions be so fleeting?


I'm not sure what I'm trying to say...as I have know idea where I was going with this and my emotions are all over the place these days..


 As of now: I just want those feelings back.

CHRISTMAS!

The holiday season is finally here, and I couldn't be more excited!!

Things that I absolutely can't wait for:

-Movies such as To Grandmothers House We Go, ELF, and Eloise at Christmastime!

-Reading my kids "Why Christmas Trees aren't perfect" and "The Night Before Christmas"

-Winter festivities such as Sledding, Baking, Decorating, Christmas shopping, Christmas crafting, PARTYING, and eating!

Other holiday favorites include but are not limited to: Fireplaces, mint hot chocolate, Onesies, Electric blankets, Christmas lights, Holiday pie from McD, Family time, 25 days of Christmas, Ugly Sweaters, spiked egg nog,  and happy people!!

AND OF COURSE A MULTITUDE OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC!

Bring these things to me pleeaseeee!

DREAM JOB.

After a rough, long morning, nothing can make my day better than a smile and a suffocating hug from one of my kids at the center. It's seriously crazy how it can turn my whole day around! I sometimes forget just how much I truly love my job and how fortunate I am to have found it so early on. I could honestly do this forever... pay me next to nothing, take away my benefits (i mean i'd like it even more if you wouldn't) but honestly the reward is so worth it. Because every time I see these kids smile, watch them laugh and dance, and just learn and explore the world around them.. I can't help but smile too and be so grateful that I get to share such beautiful experiences with them.

 So, I'll take the messes, the inconsolable crying, the fighting, the screaming, the diapers, drool, and throw up, the constant EXHAUSTION... even the fact that I watched on of my co-workers get showered with pee today. I'll take it all. It's so worth it.

Kids are seriously the greatest. I want to work with them forever.

Halloween!

GETTIN' D WITH DISNEY PARTY WAS A SUCCESS!!!

And now Ariel and Jasmine are currently planning their next party- featuring drunk Christmas elves and Cindy-Lou Who :)

communication

My current thoughts:

 If you have a problem with someone, and this someone is someone who plays a significant role in your life and the problem that they cause also has a daily effect in your life, then yes... COMMUNICATE the issues... because how else would they know that  there's a problem?

However when it comes to overall annoyances with people, confronting your frustration with the girl in front of you in lecture who keeps clicking her pencil and rocking back and forth... it's not really gonna accomplish much except for 1) make her feel worse and 2) make you a bitch.

Because honestly, you have no idea what that person is going through and why they do the things they do. Maybe she's super nervous because someone close to her is terminally ill and is waiting for the results that determine...well Everything. You can honestly never know...

With that being said I've constructed some goals for myself when it comes to communicating issues with those around me:

-Consider who the things I say may affect and potentially hurt before I say them.

-Think first and ask myself if I actually mean what I say or if I'm just venting in frustration.

-Stop generalizing groups of people, and realize that just because one person or even a group of people fucked up, It's not fair to take it out on the whole group!

- Finally, accept that I feel the way I feel and that I'm human, and stop denying my emotions or trying to validate them.

Perhaps, you should consider these as well...

P.S.  I'm. so. hungry. 

Are you there God? It's me lethargic.

Great start to fall break...

Well after rushing home with severe stomach pains and throwing up, I managed to make it through the night and rule out appendicitis, thank the lawd.

Saturday brings no hope...

Michigan State was quite a painful game to watch and a tough loss! I mean congrats to State for their fourth consecutive win, but really penalties when the ball is long gone and punching? At least we're decent!

More bad news arrived at half time, as my parents called with news that my brother might of had a mild heart attack and is currently in severe pain and being put under.

Of course, I arrived just in time, for the final score in the waiting room. Thrilled!

It's been a rough few days but I'm not ruling out this break as a complete fail. It could be much worse and I'm choosing to look at the good side of things:



1) There's gorgeous fall weather with an abundance of leaves to dive in.
2) I am currently spooning with Winston... coffee and pumpkin bread in hand.
3) The pain has receded quite a bit, and I can actually walk without wanting to double over in pain.
4) I'm home...which entails visiting some of my favorite people and partaking in fall activities with the fam.

                                                               I C DUHH LITE.

All deez lights be blindin'

So it’s not even the weekend yet, however my mind and body aren’t so quick to believe that! After a Wednesday night of White Panda at Necto and a Thursday night in Grand Rapids for Paper Diamond, Sorry for Partying, and Robotic Pirate Monkey (both events that lasted till 4am!) …my mind and body are insanely exhausted…. and of course the weekend hasn’t even began.

I have to say last night (Thursday night) was one of the most amazing concerts of my life! Words cannot explain. Aside from my love for electronic ecstasy and insane rave style dancing… this concert was not simply the usual Bassnectar/Dead Mau5 dancing experience… Sure the music was amazing, but what made this concert so different? Well to put it simply: WE GOT FRICKEN BACKSTAGES PASSES! Yeah that’s right. Me and Hx3 owning the front row as usual caught the attention of Sorry for Partying’s Shane, of whom we also discovered is the cofounder of thissongissick.com! And that’s only the beginning! After being invited to go dance in the front… and almost on stage! We then went back with him to get water and just hang out…it was seriously the experience of a lifetime! We were also invited to the after party, but we’re so fulfilled already we decided to leave for our 2.5 hour ride home, so we could actually make it home before 4am! I seriously want their life so bad! Traveling on the bus from city to city. Party, sleep, party, sleep, meet amazing people, sleep, rage, rage! What’s not to love??

The ride home went pretty fast as well, with our wired excitement after such an amazing night, and jamming karaoke the whole way home, we finally made it to bed, with 3 hours of sleep before work the next day. So here I am now…on break at work… surprisingly still alive thanks to espresso, coffee, and caffeine pills.

And the weekend is just beginning, of which I’m going home! A bright future of homemade cornbread stuffing, concord grapes, and WINSTON! So. much. love.

That’s all for now. Just living the life. Forever Younggggggggg

Wine Wednesdays :)

Okay what am I saying? Wine has a daily presence in my life! Not really sure if that's something I should be proud of...

But anyway.  A Wednesday all the same.

The day began with work, one of my favorite places in the world! Spent the morning in the bunny room, painting and cuddling with the youngest  entity at the center. So much fun!

I then had my longest two hours of my life cog lecture canceled! Which resulted in a day of self-indulgence! Complete with a nap, movies, and online shopping, as well as planning my future travels. A lazy day well spent.

When Hildo returned from D-town, where she commutes to for her bitch-ternship, we ended the night in appropriate fashion, a bike/running excursion to blue front, the "everything you could possibly need except liquor" liquor store down our street, where we stocked up on nightly essentials of wine and Oreos! We then concluded with One Tree Hill therapy of course.

I could live like this forever, right? Sometimes I think, yes.

Fall Frenzyy.

So I'm now living in the apartment fantasized about for so long. A forest of pink and green. With my two roommates Emil and Hilahhh.

The times are memorable...

So many UNREAL events have taken place in the last few weeks I don't even know where to begin.

Some "not exactly crying over spilled milk incidents":

-Football Saturday tragedy #1: Computer soaked in beer. The guilty remains unnamed...the victim however...fried and lost forever.

-Football Saturday tragedy #2: After a late wake up for a 12pm game, two beautiful pints of R&R are purchased and smuggled into the stadium, and ENJOYED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT! However after a quarter of systemized celebration, we find ourselves with a few swigs left and cops hastily approaching ....and guess who's arrested and receives a civil infraction ticket: yours truly.

-Lion King in 3D. Honestly the best thing that ever could have happened to 3D! Yet, while attempting to tipsily by tickets, I somehow choose a theatre an unnecessary 45 minutes away, and receive no email receipt to prove that this purchase was a reality. So what's a girl to do?

Fortunately with this forecast of suffocating black clouds ... sunshine followed!

The civil infraction although an unfortunate $100 fine, involved no court appearance or deathly presence on thee record, not to mention we avoided a potential MIP with it's much more perilous consequences!

And fortunately after seven trips too many to "worst buy" and a few hours too much of our thoughts and time . Here. now. I am. writing on my new love: a macbook air of extremely small proportions... We're gonna be best friends I know it.

And as for Lion King, we found a theatre right here in our very own Ann Arbor a good 10 minutes away and after a call to Fandango another email is sent as the tickets are refunded!!! Hell Yeah!

I'm incredibly excited and extremely scared for the potential adventures the rest of this semester has in store.

Knowing us, it will definitely be unconventional and nothing short of an adventure.

Recipe for the perfect summer weekend.

Constant Bonfires.

Neon Body paint.

Stealing golf carts. 

Drum circles. 

A constant state of Drunkality.

Night Swimming.

Not sleeping.

Boat Dancing.

Live music.

Jet skiing.

Watching the sunset over the water, wine in hand.

And good company!

After Africa I wasn't sure how anything could live up to my  time there or if my summer could really continue in such blissful perfection... but Peace Fest was such an amazing time! I learned so much this past weekend from the wonders of pickle juice chasers to perfecting the underwater beer bong (innovated with a vacuum cleaner tube). In the company of my roommates (one for a limited amount of consciousness) I lived out the perfect summer nights in a state of drunken bliss. And I can truly say I'm living out this summer, my youth, in the best ways possible.

Although I see the end of summer becoming more of a reality, I can fight my grievance with all there is to look forward to. Two words: SouthAfrica. and... FALL!

Let the adventures continue...

Rant of Insanity.

I have come to a realization that what I truly want more than anything is to HAVE KIDS. If I'm being completely honest, like right now. But if I'm being realistic...

Don't get me wrong I've dreamed of Africa for the longest time and I'm so fortunate to have opportunities to travel and go to university..things I never would of dreamed of! I'm so blessed and happy! But finishing school and Peace Corps... 4 whole years away!

I just honestly feel that my purpose on this planet is just to raise a child and give them all the love and opportunities in the world! If I knew I had the resources and could truly give them the best life right now, I would truly drop out right now and start a family. CALL ME CRAZY.  I just can't fight it. Maybe I'm just missing my kid fix not being at the day care, but when ever I see a child, and trust me there in multitude everywhere I look! I feel as if they're screaming at me, like come on already. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. 

It just pissed me off seeing all these young girls, even my high school class is shooting them out in surplus! ..I mean I have nothing against these people... I'm sure they're great in some way or another, but seeing them raise children at such a young age when they honestly don't even know who the hell they are or what they're doing with their lives...it's just not fair. So many people try so hard...and then there's all these people with kids who just FUCK THEM OVER AND COULD CARE LESS.. again not targeted toward anyone in particular I know there's a lot of great young mothers out there... But for real! I just want to be a mother so I can show people how amazing raising a child can be and how special they truly are. I want to give my kids EVERYTHING.  Because they are everything. How can people not see this!? 

Shout out to all the amazing mothers in the world who see the value of their kids! I strive to be like you!

(I realize I have responsibilities and am not yet equipped with the resources to start a family..and because of that I'm waiting... One day!)

Things I love:

• Sitting on the porch with my grandpa listening to his life stories.
• A multitude of hugs even if a goodbye must follow.
• That feeling of excitement/nervousness before you leave on a big trip.
• Ann Arbor in the summer :)

One more week 'till Africa. I can hardly believe this is real life. I've dreamed of this day ever since I watched Lion King the first time. And now that it's so close... GAHHH I'm uber pumped! I don't know what it is but I just feel like I'm LIVING LIFE.

So here's to life!

Dear Africa, I've gotta a good chance, right...

i wanna be like you :)

Summer in Ann Arbor.

I find myself back in AA on a visit with my lovely roommate Hilary. Let's just say my love for AA is amplified in this season. After an afternoon spent shopping and the purchase of some summer essentials: matching frog/monkey towel backpacks, bubbles, and sparklers...ohh wait i couldn't actually purchase the sparklers because without proof of i.d. i'm obviously under the age of 16! Obviously.

Anyway, Hilary heading off to her daily responsibility of work...I find myself in beautiful eighty degree weather with a lot of time on my hands. This is wear the epitome of summer in the city comes in: people laying out on roofs, amazingly refreshing smoothies with endless flavor opportunities, three and a half hours spent hiding in the shelves of borders and a super-friendly middle-aged indian store clerk who now knows my "life".  Borders is one of my favorite places to meet people! So many random conversations and book recommendations! It makes me fascinated with life's diversity. Sure there's shitty people out there, but there's also WONDERFUL people and it always brightens my day to talk to them! 

Getting back to my summer activities, after departing from borders. I travel to No-Thai, Bubble Island, and Yogo Bliss. Quite possibly my three favorite places in Ann Arbor all only a few steps apart! I then find myself under a tree in the diag losing myself in my book. Johnathon Safran Foer. How are his words so enticingly magical? GIFTED. i agree. This doesn't mean he can capture my undivided attention, though. How can I seriously focus completely with so many babies having their first encounters with the world. This is my favorite thing about summer:  babies and smiles are in surplus! 

Hilary returns from work and we end the night at Necto with a work-friend B-Rae who shows us how to live life her way...let's just see how long she lives.

Anyway: I look forward to tomorrows activities: disney movies and bonfires!

Mama Drama.

Not sure how my MOM does it:

Her day= Wake up. Get grandkids off to school. Clean. Answer phone call from Maria (Gio's "mother") bitching about Rose (My "mother") who she then calls and listens to her drunkenly bitch for 2 hours and threaten both her and Maria's lives for taking her babies and "ruining" their lives. Then afraid for my grandpa she drives an hour and a half to Warren to take him back to our house where he's safe.. all the while on the phone with my sister as she bitches about her life and begs to borrow $1000 to come back home bc she will kill herself if she keeps having to live this way...she puts her on hold as she gets a call from my other sister informing her that my brother's in trouble and needs to be picked up asap and she can't do it bc she's dealing with money drama and can't afford the gas to go there. So my MOM having to deal with my drunken crazy mother gets grandpa out of the house and safely into the car then drives another hour to Pontiac to pick up my two brothers one of whom also asks to borrow some money he supposedly needs for probation but is actually using to pay off his drug dealers she finds out later when she gets another call after she drops them off and returns home. Refraining from heart attack from all this drama she proceeds to make dinner, pick the grand kids up from school, listen to some more bitchy phone calls and clean the house.

Just another average day in which she manages to keep the peace, ending her day in prayer thanking God for all that she is blessed to have.

So much love! Yet surrounded by so much hate/chaos!

I wish I was nearly as strong as she was. Not sure how she does it!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! YOU'RE SERIOUSLY AMAZING AND DEAL WITH WAY MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD HAVE TO! <3

everything will be okay.

She was eight months old. He gazed into her deep blue eyes for the last time. He told her he loved her. That he wouldn’t be back for a while. That there would be times when she’d be afraid, but that she had to be strong. And then...he was gone.

She was eight years old, at the mall with her mother.
They were shopping for shoes, and she seen a dog and stopped to pet it. When she turned around, her mother was gone. In that moment, she felt so lost, so afraid...Just standing there watching everyone rush off to their daily duties. So many people, but yet none of them who she was looking for. She was completely alone and helpless.

She was eighteen. Getting ready to go off into the real world. She was ready, she knew she was. But she just wanted to hear it so bad. Because even though she was as prepared as she’d ever be, that fear was still present. What if she wasn’t good enough? What if she couldn’t make it? Maybe she really wasn’t ready. So many emotions ran through her mind...

More than anything though, she was afraid..And all she wanted was him to tell her she didn’t have to be. That she had the potential to make it. That everything would be okay. Just four simple words, that’s all she needed to hear... But is all she got was silence... Silence so powerful it overpowered any possible means of conversation. Silence so vague, it left everything open, completely left to interpretation. Completely exposed to the evil of the world. She wanted him more than anything to tell her everything would be okay. It was impossible though, and she knew it.

Who doesn't love a good wedding?

So after an hour long skype session with one of my friends from Britain, I can't help but vent my frustration with all this obsession over the royal wedding. Don't get me wrong I understand our culture's obsession with celebrities and finding your ideal love and ultimately living happily ever after...but I just can't get excited when I think about the millions of dollars that went into it...yet here's Britain in the midst of a recession. People have lost their jobs, been thrown out of their homes, and can barely afford to live...and where's all this money invested? In the greater good of the people I suppose...

I'm not saying that the weddings not something to be excited about. It's a tradition and it's beautiful...there's no denying it. I am also not being biased as this kind of thing happens everyday in our country, as well. Money and power...that's what the media's all about. We love living virtually though pop culture and ignoring the issues of the world. What's wrong with that?!

Now back to indulging in my reality tv...multi billion dollar industry! Hell yeahhhhh!

Memoirs of my last nights in the Barb.

Barbour halls vacant.

Waking up in a closet..I find myself with ripped mud covered leggings, questionable bruises on my legs and stories of 'fighting the mafia"?

Don't think I won that fight.

Still recovering and enjoying a multitude of sleep and television.

After watching some gay porn and 2 episodes of Real World Las Vegas with Alma in the CC a slightly embarrassing addiction is born.

I follow up with 2 glee episodes and an hour of you-tube surfing.

Now I lay here sipping bubble tea, admiring the feeling of having to do nothing...

I'm missing my roomies and am eager for our reunion tomorrow night!

One more day here and then home to Farmada.

I reflect on the year as a whole with smiling satisfaction.